By Casey Grey
There's a flaw in our thinking. Actually, I won't generalize...
There's a flaw in my thinking. I'm guessing I'm not alone though.
My brain believes that going after more will make things better.
Go after more jobs. That will lead to more work, more opportunities and more money.
Let's do more stuff as a family. That will lead to more fun, more experiences and more memories.
Sure, in some cases this is true. More jobs is more work. But is it more opportunities or more money?
And if I flip it around, more opportunities could lead to more work as well. But is it more money or more jobs?
Doing more stuff as a family can lead to more experiences. But is it more fun? And will we remember everything?
The brain is there to protect me. It's playing defence.
What about offence though? What about listening to my gut? What am I feeling?
The Sweet Spot is somewhere in between our gut and our mind.
(Is it coincidence that our heart lands in the middle?)
More is not better. Better is better. And focus leads to more.
I know what I need to do. I just need to get out of my head and do it.
You ever have "one of those days"?
Wait... We're talking about a great day, right?
Why does "one of those days" have to be a bad day?
Where did that saying originate?
Perhaps it's time for a change.
Perhaps it's time to associate "those days" with good feelings.
Yesterday was a "busy" day. I packed a lot into the 17.5 hours that I was awake.
I did my usual morning routine. I did all the financials for one of the businesses since our bookkeeper/admin is on vacation. I had an amazing partner meeting. Sullivan and I got our music lessons in. We also got a bike ride in, which we did to pick up ingredients for the brownies we had to make (which we made). I caught up on emails. I sent out follow up emails for our event this week. I probably did some other stuff I don't remember... I ended with a great call with my pod (mastermind group). Lastly I did my usual reading before bed.
Yes, it was a "busy" day. But I forgot one important thing...
Well I didn't forget her... I knew she had a big day so I was thinking about her. What I did not do is leave any time for her to share her day with me.
She's one of my rocks so I need to put her in the jar first (metaphorically speaking). I failed to do this.
The tricky part is I thrive on a schedule and checking things off the list. My wife on the other hand, like most women, is free flowing.
I say "tell me when you want to chat and I'll put it in my calendar" but that does not work for her. She wants to chat when she wants to chat. But when she wants to chat, if it's not planned, my mind is elsewhere and she knows this. I'm not present which only makes the situation worse.
As I shared with a friend yesterday, relationships are work. If fact, anything worth having requires work.
Strangely enough, these things cannot be worked on in the relationship. They are worked on for the relationship.
It's about working on yourself.
And a great relationship, above anything else, is worth working for. It has the ability to make everything else that's great in your life even better.
What is the one thing I need to focus on today? The thing that will make everything else easier or negligible.
Although I know this is important, I typically have many things pulling at me in a day.
How do I get to a point where I can focus on the one thing?
More importantly, who do I need to get to this point?
Yesterday was a B-Day party for one of my nephews. Bowling! It was great! The kids had a ton of fun and the adults could catch up.
At the end of the party there was the usual loot bags plus the kids could bring one of the balloons home. Sullivan's favourite colour is yellow so that's what we ended up with. He was so excited to show mommy all the stuff from the party and he was especially excited about playing with this balloon.
When we got home we hopped out of the truck, started grabbing things and then the worst possible thing happened...
The balloon came out of Sullivan's hand and it took off into the sky.
The sky was falling. He was so upset. He wanted to show mommy this balloon so badly.
Now I had a choice.
Do I let him cry it out and be there for him or do we go get another balloon?
Well, I'm a guy and consoling is not my strong point. Fixing problems is. So we hopped back in the truck and went back to the bowling lane to get another balloon.
Do I really want to burn the gas in the truck to get another balloon?
Am I doing this for him or for me?
Will he remember this?
These are all questions that were going through my head.
It killed me to drive back to the bowling lane in the truck to get this balloon but it killed me more to see my son in pain.
I like to think I did it for him but if I'm honest I did it for myself as well. It feels good to be the hero. We help people because it feels good. Ultimately it's all for us but it's best when other people benefit.
And will he remember it? I have no idea but what I do want him to remember (and know) is that his dad is there for him. His dad will be there to help him with his problems when he needs me most. Will I solve all his problems? Absolutely not (and this will be a challenge for me) but I will help him with the tools to solve his own problems.
This seemingly insignificant event brought two important things to my attention:
Perfect timing for dad to be a hero. Happy Fathers day to all the hero dads out there.
I did not get a lot checked off my "list" this week but I feel it was a productive week.
Why do I feel that way?
It's because I focused on what was important. Items and meetings that were not urgent but that were important to the success of my life and my business.
It's easy to stay busy. There's no shortage of things to do.
But am I busy with the right stuff?
Am I productive?
Am I making a difference?
This week I I believe I did.
What is my purpose?
Will I ever find out what my purpose is?
If I do find it, how will I know I have found it?
Is there such thing as having just one purpose?
Maybe our purpose changes from moment to moment?
My purpose right now is to write this Blog and share my thoughts.
My purpose first thing this morning was to clean up a mess Sullivan and I made last night so Natasha had a spot to sit.
My purpose shortly will be to help a friend understand what's required in order to renovate her home.
My purpose later today will be to pull our the strengths of my business partners.
Does this all lead to a larger purpose?
I think it leads to a larger mission but I'm still trying to figure out whether or not that's a purpose.
Focusing on building your weaknesses only makes stronger weaknesses.
Perhaps there's a reason they are weaknesses.
For myself, I'm weak in the areas I do not enjoy. I have not put in the time required to make them strengths because it's not an enjoyable process for me. Why would I want to spend time do things I don't enjoy? Why would anybody want to do that?
What if I knew my strengths?
More importantly, what if other people knew my strengths?
Beyond that, what if I knew other people's strengths? Like my wife, my business partners and my team?
I suspect my life would drastically improve.
Thank you Matthew Britt for showing me the Strength Finder 2.0. I'm pumped to see where this brings me.
What if I told you that working on one thing would change your life. Something simple, but not easy.
Would you commit to it? Would you do the hard work required? Would you make the sacrifices?
The one thing that can significantly change your life is confidence.
Now let's be clear, it's not arrogant or cocky. There's a big difference.
Confidence is a mind game.
Confidence is faith.
Confidence is persistence.
Confidence is determination.
Confidence is commitment.
Confidence is experience.
Confidence is falling flat on your face more often than not and getting back up.
The only way to build your confidence is to do the thing you need to become confident in (over and over and over and over...)
How did that title affect your state?
What if I changed it to It's Our Fault or It's My Fault.
I'm guessing you do not like to be blamed for anything. I know I don't. However I have blamed others plenty of times over my life.
What's interesting is that blaming is associated with negativity. I did not have to say "I'm guessing you do not like to be blamed for anything negative." You automatically assumed it was negative when I used the word blame.
The word fault is associated with blame. Heck, a fault in tennis is not a good thing. That means you messed up. The other person gets the points!
Nobody ever says "it's your fault our relationship is so amazing" or "it's your fault we made so much money last year" or "it's your fault we had such a great time last night."
These simple words are quite powerful and they usually come out when somebody is upset. When emotions are flying. It's a way of pointing the finger at the other party.
Unfortunately this often has a negative effect on the situation which only makes it worse. The other party's natural response will be to go into defence mode (unless they are exceptional at managing their state and emotions).
What if next time you were upset you made a point to be conscious of the words you were saying? What if you only brought up positive things when referring to the other person? What if you only blamed yourself for the negative things? How would this change the situation? How would this affect the overall outcome? How would this get you and the other party closer to the ultimate goal?
I know your ego would be hurt but don't worry, your ego will never leave you.