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By Casey Grey
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I just spent the last few days with my son and I fear that he may not have received as much daddy time as he would have liked. I'm not sure if it's true or not but the fact that I'm thinking this tells me I could have done better at being present with him.
One of the most difficult parts of owning a business is that my brain is constantly thinking about things that need to be done. However, do they really need to be done is the question. I left work on Thursday afternoon but technically worked until Friday night (late) and I didn't really start to feel relaxed until Saturday afternoon. I had this booked into my calendar but the business was still pulling at me. Life is full of people and things pulling at my attention. I don't believe this will ever change. Actually, I believe there will be more and more things asking for my attention as my life progresses. So what to do? Prioritize. Figure out what is most important and put these things FIRST. Remember, there is a big difference between the seemingly urgent things in our lives and the important. My family is important to me. They are number one. Although my business is also important, it can wait a day here and there. It already gets the majority of my attention. I often feel like a kid trapped in an adult body. Not because I want to play hide-and-go-seek or tag, but because of the thoughts that run through my mind.
Just like a kid, I see something I like and I want it. Cars, houses, trucks, trips, clothes, watches, technology, etc. I just saw a bunch of beautiful VW vans that I wanted! The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, right? Are these thoughts a bad thing? Or just a human thing? If you think about it, the majority of what we have in western civilization are luxuries, not necessities. Almost everything I have I don't need. To survive all I would need is water, food and shelter. I don't need the computer I'm typing on right now. I don't need the couch I'm sitting on right now. I don't need the 1977 VW Van I just camped in all weekend. I don't need hot water. I don't need... Well, you get the point. So what do we do? I believe we just need to stay true to our values. If you stay true to your values, the grass will not be greener on the other side on the other side of the fence. It will just be different grass. I had a really great conversation with a woman last night named Marty. Typically I'm the one trying to explain my family but I quickly found out what it was like to be on the other side of the conversation when she said that her dad is also her uncle and her brother.
Wait... What? There's a riddle for you. Her mom was unable to raise her so her grandparents legally adopted her, however, her uncle was the one who ended up raising her. That means that her biological uncle is the one who she calls dad because he raised her but he is also her brother because her grandparents legally adopted her. We talked about numerous different topics leading from our buses (since we're at BusFusion) to parenting (since we both have kids) to the education system (since she's a school teacher) to travelling (since her and her partner just got back from a 6 month trip) to meditating (since part of that 6 month trip was spent in an ashram) to health (since she cured herself of cervical cancer without using western medicine). It was an amazing feeling to sit around that camp fire last night. Numerous conversations were being had about god-knows-what, marshmallows were being roasted and people were jamming and creating some amazing music. (There was even a guy who pulled out a flute!? When was the last time you saw somebody pull out a flute around a camp fire!?) What hit me was the diverse group of people all coming together for one common interest, the VW Bus. Just like Marty and myself, everybody around that fire had their own story. People aging from 2 to 82 (give or take). We have all come from different backgrounds. We have all experienced pain and we have all experienced love. We have done things that we are proud of and things that we are not so proud of. And somehow we have all been brought to this one location. Never underestimate the power of one common interest. That's all it takes to connect. Sometimes I just need to be alone. And that's okay.
Other times I need to be around people. And that's okay. We need a healthy dose of each. If we spend too much time alone, we forget how to interact and communicate with others. If we spend too much time with people, we become disconnected from ourselves. It's not one or the other. It's one and the other. We are social creatures but we must not forget who we are. Last night I did not want to talk to anybody. I just had to work through my own stuff. I needed to feel whatever I was working through. I needed to be, not do. Tonight, I'm ready to socialize. I'm looking forward to meeting new people. I excited about the conversations ahead. I'm curious what the new connections will bring. The human experience continues... Why is it that two of the greatest things in life also cause some of the greatest pain?
People and money. As a business, you need both to survive. Without people who buy what you're selling, you have no business. And if you don't make enough money, you go out of business (or if you mismanage your money). As an individual, you need both to enjoy life to its fullest. Sure you can live life alone with no money but how fun would that be? Money allows you to be more of who you are and people magnify life's greatest joys. When people are happy and money is flowing, life and business is good! When people are unhappy and money is scarce, life sucks (to put it lightly). When I'm in the dumps, it's easy to think "if only I had better clients." Or "if only I got that larger job." Or "if only I could make a little more money." Or "if only they did what they said they would do." "Then everything would be perfect." But here's the thing. Money and people can't make me feel a certain way. Only I can make me feel a certain way. It's not the money that makes me feel shitty. It's how I'm interpreting the situation. It's not the unhappy person who makes me feel shitty. It's how I internalize what that person is unhappy about. Maybe these situations are just opportunities in disguise. Maybe they're signs. Maybe everything is happening for me. Maybe God has a much larger plan for me. Maybe people and money aren't causing the pain at all. Maybe my interpretation is causing the pain. Maybe all I need to do is shift my focus.
Lastly, and probably the most important thing of all... DO NOT follow your dreams. Keep them bottled up. Don't share them with anybody. Bring them to the grave with you. I believe we underestimate the power of repetition. Doing the same thing over and over again. Until it's engrained in our subconscious. Until we can do it in our sleep.
Doing scales on a piano is boring. It's mundane. It's tedious. So is practicing a curveball as a pitcher in baseball. So is running the same football play over and over again. So is doing free throws in basketball. So is going to the driving range for golf. So is doing the same meditation every day. But this is the work that separates the best in the world from the "pretty good". It does not take that much work to become "pretty good" at anything. But "pretty good" is just a hobby. If that's what you want, then it's perfect. It's really easy to have a "pretty good" life. Most people don't just want a "pretty good" life though. Most people want to be the best. However most people are not willing to do what it takes to actually become the best. They want the reward without the investment. Everything worth having in life requires an investment if you want to maximize it. Whether it's time, money or something else, you need to have skin in the game. You need to be committed. Do not expect to have an outstanding relationship with your spouse if you're not willing to put the time into working on the relationship. Do not expect to be a millionaire if you're not willing to learn how to manage your money properly. Do not expect to make the Olympics if you're not willing to practice more than anybody else. Do not expect to create a billion dollar company if you're only willing to work 40 hours a week. Do not expect to be the best if you're not willing to work the hardest. There's a chance that I will have an interaction with a mean, angry, unhappy, distraught, disgruntled, unappreciative, or frustrated person today.
That's a shitty way to think... Or is it? If it does happen, I'll be prepared for it. I don't dwell on the fact that it's going to happen, I just make sure that I'm in the right mindset to be able to handle it if it does happen. I choose be prepared for the worst and surprised by the best rather than not be prepared at all and surprised by the worst. We all like surprises, right? Wrong. We all like good surprises. I'm just setting myself up for a pleasant surprise. Natasha and I are in the process of figuring out where we want to live and we have been for the last year. What do we want? Privacy? Space? Parking? Garage? Proximity to amenities? Number of bedrooms? Number of bathrooms? Storage? What's most important to us?
If it was only up to me, I could live in a garage with my van as long as I had a bathroom and somewhere to cook my food. That just makes sense in my mind. It would get us closer to our ultimate goals faster (financially speaking that is). But that won't work for Natasha. It does not make sense to her. Which I completely understand. I know she would not be happy with those living situations so why would I put her through something like that unless I wanted to get a divorce? Which I do not. This is where it gets tricky. We're all humans. We all have different wants. Our needs may be similar but how we meet those needs may be different. I have come to learn that the masculine energy is willing to sacrifice whereas the feminine energy would prefer not to sacrifice. This is why I would be willing to sacrifice a nice home (or location, or space, etc...) now for a nicer home later whereas Natasha is less inclined to do so. I would do it because I would feel noble. "I did it for the greater good. To give my family a better future." But at what expense? So how do we navigate this? Individually, as a couple and as a family? I'm not sure I have the answer yet but I can tell you it's constant and consistent communication. It's both understanding ourselves and being able to express ourselves. We need to be openminded and listen to what the other person needs (which is more important than the wants). At the end of the day we are on the same team. We both want the best for each other and our families. Is there such a thing?
When is a good time to talk about the troublesome topics? When is a good time to work on the difficult items? When is a good time to go inward and focus on the challenges you face? Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) the hard stuff in life is typically the most important stuff. But why is it so hard? Because we're more focused on ourselves than the outcome. |
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