By Casey Grey
Let's look at the other side of yesterday's post.
Who is the most masculine man I know?
I'm not sure I have an answer for this question either.
To me, a real man is comfortable in his shoes. He's confident in himself. He has goals, he's focused and he goes after them. He remembers where he came from and takes care of his family. His relationship is strong with his wife (or partner) and his kids.
Men don't talk about their feelings. I know society push's this but I believe it's another thing that is messing with the masculine and feminine dynamic. It's not to say men don't have "stuff" they need to get off their chest, they just do it in a different way. No woman wants to listen to their man talk about his feelings. They want their man to listen to them.
A real man can command a room without saying anything.
As men we need to take responsibility. If work is not going well, it's our fault. If our relationship is shit, it's our fault. If we get sick, it's our fault. All the "bad" stuff is our fault.
And when things are "good", give the credit away. As men we sacrifice. It's all for the greater good.
Men, take control of your life!
My wife asked me a question yesterday that had us both stumped.
"Who is the most feminine woman you know?"
I could not answer the question. All the women I know are very masculine. Not in their appearance but in their actions. The women I know are very goal and career driven. This is not a bad thing if that's what they want however it's a masculine trait.
Feminine energy is more free-flowing. It's supportive and nurturing at its core. That's why you see more women as nurses, for example.
Could this be something else our society is confused on? We push women into the workforce and pressure them into getting careers. "If a man can do it, so can you."
Yes, this is true, but what if she does not want to. What if it goes against her true nature?
I support my wife in whatever she wants to do. If she wants to work, great! If she wants to stay home and take care of our son, great! All I ask is that she stays true to herself.
We need more women in our society. Real women. Women who know who they are and are not afraid to be themselves.
Behind every great man is an even greater woman.
(Said differently, since it's not always a male and female in a relationship... Behind every great masculine energy is an even greater feminine energy.)
If you have not heard this analogy or done this exercise before, it's important to understand.
If you have heard it before but don't implement it, why? How's it working for you?
For myself, I've only started to really implement it this year and the results have been tenfold compared to previous years. I feel better, my relationships are stronger and business is better than ever.
This is what you need for the exercise:
Step 1: Grab the jar.
Step 2: Fill the jar with water.
Step 3: Add Sand.
"Wait... Step 3 does not make sense. I've already filled the jar with water, how can I add the sand?"
Good point. Let's do it another way.
Step 1: Grab the jar.
Step 2: Fill the jar with rocks.
Step 3: Add Sand.
Step 4: Add water.
Now it all fits!
This jar is your calendar. The amount of time you have. Whether it's a day, a month or a year, we all have a finite amount of time.
The rocks represent the most important things in your life. The key is to put the rocks in first. If you don't, you'll never be able to fit everything in.
I understood that this is easier said than done. We're focused on work and money because we feel we "need" it and we forget why we're doing it all in the first place.
The thing with work is that it will always be there. There will always be more work to do. Especially if you're good at what you do.
Family and friends on the other hand, they may not always be there.
Your age will change. What you're able to do now, you may not be able to do later.
Your kids, they grow older. Soon my son will not want to cuddle on the couch.
Figure out your rocks and put them in your jar. In other words, figure out your priorities and book them into your calendar FIRST.
Natasha and I attended our first Cirque Du Soleil show last night, Alegria. If you have not been to a show yet, give yourself the gift (and be sure to bring somebody with you).
Yes the acrobatic portions of the show are phenomenal however that's only a portion of the show. The story, the musicians, the singers, the costumes, the stage, the props, the humour, the everything! The creativity of the entire show is mind blowing!
"Humans Are Amazing" was the first thing that came out of my mouth when it was all said and done.
This is a perfect example of nothing great is ever accomplished alone.
Create partnerships. Build alliances. Foster a community. Join a group. Do something to work with and support others. This is where the magic happens.
P.S. Remember, the 2 hour show is the only part most people will see. You'll only get to be a part of the short public show if you put in the countless private hours of work. "Cirque Du Soleil" results only comes with Mastery.
I had a trip planned to Montreal today. I was heading there to interview a very inspiring person. Unfortunately he had to cancel last minute.
At first I was a little annoyed but that did not last long. I know that this individual is extremely busy and things like this often happen.
After that initial annoyance, the next thought came to mind.
This is happening FOR me.
Life is never happening TO me. It is always happening FOR me. There is always a reason. I may not see it right away but I know it to be true. There is always a silver lining or a lesson to be learned. The universe works in mysterious ways.
Life has too many moving parts. We'll never be able to predict everything that's going to happen. That does not mean we can't prepare but it does mean we should have a backup plan.
Plan for the worst. Expect the best.
In this particular case, my airbnb was already booked and paid for so I could not cancel it. So what to do? Loose the night in Montreal? Stay in Ottawa? Sullivan was looking forward to staying at Gramps' house so we have a free night...
Now it's a date night in MTL for Natasha and I! A much needed one I might add.
I guess it happened for US this time. Not just me.
I've come to believe this to be true. It's obvious when doing something physical but what about emotionally and spiritually? Unfortunately our society is set on removing pain as quickly as possible.
Taking a pill to mask the pain has become the norm.
The problem is that it does not address the cause. If you have smoke in your house, you're not going to look for something to remove the smoke, you're going to look for the fire. Once you put the fire out at the source, you're going to figure out why it happened in the first place so that it does not happen again.
Why don't we do this with ourselves?
As Rumi was quoted saying, "The wound is the place where the light enters."
Pain is not a bad thing. It's a signal. It's never about removing the pain, it's about working with it. It's a good thing.
Feel it. Work with it. Learn from it. Change with it. But whatever you do, don't cover it up. Your life will never be the same again.
My Wednesday morning routine is a little off since I'm currently doing a 6:00am gymnastics course. I did have it in my schedule to write my blog after class but I got caught up learning something new (and having fun).
Today we were recording some content for The Conscious Builder Show. After class we were recording a few more things and one thing lead to another. Before I knew it, Coach Kazam was teaching me how to do a backflip.
I've been jumping on trampolines and snowboarding for most of my life and I've never been able to do a backflip. There has always been something in my head stopping me. Today, within 20 minutes, I was doing backflips.
All I needed was proper coaching.
We often underestimate the power of a coach. Somebody who knows what to look for. Somebody to call us out when we're bullshitting ourselves and cheer us on when we're down on ourselves. Somebody who's success is dependant upon our success.
Learning how to do a backflip may not sound like much but it's something I have not been able to do for 33 years. Within 20 minutes I'm now confident I can do it. Am I a master? No. But I'm well on my way and I'm lightyears ahead of where I was when I first woke up this morning.
No book, youtube video or podcast could have taught me what I learned this morning as quickly as I learned it.
Where can you use a coach or a mentor in your life? How much more could you accomplish? How much more confidence would you have? How much better would your life be?
I went to see a client yesterday to discuss some details of an upcoming project. When I arrived, she went and got a gift and handed it to me.
This simple act was powerful.
For one, she's our client. She's paying us to do work but she still got me a gift. Second, this is the second project we're doing for them but we have not even started the construction work on site yet. Just planning.
This tells me quite a few things. Obviously she's very happy with myself and the team. The fact that she's thinking of me while she's at the store tells me that we're top of mind. The team and I have delivered.
This also tells me that she's a generous person. This is the type of person we want to continue working with. Not because she's going to give us gifts but because she understands that it's a 2-way street. She appreciates what we have done and sees the value in our service.
This makes me want to work even harder for her.
In business we often give too much attention to our "bad" clients and forget about our "great" clients. We "grease the squeaky wheel" so to speak. Yes, every client deserves our attention but where do we spend the majority of our attention?
Remember, you are who you surround yourself with.
That means that your clients will have more friends just like them. What type of people do you want to do business with?
I had a commitment to meditate every day this year. Yesterday that streak was broken...
It was not that I did not want to meditate, I just forgot. It was Easter Sunday and my usual routine was changed.
I'm disappointed in myself but not because I did not meditate. I'm disappointed because I had a chance to put a reminder (or system) in place and I didn't. In this case it was as simple as saying "Siri, remind me to meditate at 7:30pm tonight."
I've come to realize that I forget a lot. It's not that I have a bad memory, it's that I have a lot coming at me in a day. Reminders are my best friend. Here's the thing about forgetting.
Often you won't remember what you forgot...
Natasha did ask me if I was mindful yesterday, which I was. Plus I've mediated more than once some days. I feel a little better thinking about this but it's still not what I committed to. I committed to meditating every day this year.
The good news, I did not let anybody down. This is just for me. And I do have a great lesson to pull from something small.
What other systems can I put in place to make sure I stick to my commitments?
"Sullivan, why are you so excited about Easter?"
"Because I get toys and treats."
It's amazing what excitement can do for us. We can go on less sleep, less food and we lose track of time.
Sullivan woke up at 4:00am this morning and he's still going full steam ahead (with no sugar, I might add).
As adults we tend to lose that excitement. If we lose sleep, it's typically because of stress or anxiety instead.
Perhaps we just need to find that thing that excites us again. It may not be toys and treats but I'm sure there's something.
Find that excitement and you may just change your life.