It's Your Fault

How did that title affect your state?

What if I changed it to It's Our Fault or It's My Fault.

I'm guessing you do not like to be blamed for anything. I know I don't. However I have blamed others plenty of times over my life.

What's interesting is that blaming is associated with negativity. I did not have to say "I'm guessing you do not like to be blamed for anything negative." You automatically assumed it was negative when I used the word blame.

The word fault is associated with blame. Heck, a fault in tennis is not a good thing. That means you messed up. The other person gets the points!

Nobody ever says "it's your fault our relationship is so amazing" or "it's your fault we made so much money last year" or "it's your fault we had such a great time last night."

These simple words are quite powerful and they usually come out when somebody is upset. When emotions are flying. It's a way of pointing the finger at the other party.

Unfortunately this often has a negative effect on the situation which only makes it worse. The other party's natural response will be to go into defence mode (unless they are exceptional at managing their state and emotions).

What if next time you were upset you made a point to be conscious of the words you were saying? What if you only brought up positive things when referring to the other person? What if you only blamed yourself for the negative things? How would this change the situation? How would this affect the overall outcome? How would this get you and the other party closer to the ultimate goal?

I know your ego would be hurt but don't worry, your ego will never leave you.