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By Casey Grey
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"I'm not Stressed... I just have lots to do today..." That's what I said to Jasmine before I went into her meditation session at Younion this morning when she asked if everything was alright because I looked a little stressed. I was very close to not doing the session because of what's on my plate today but that question was what I needed to hear. If she could see it in my face, then I needed to do something about it. It reminded me of this proverb and something that I say often: “If you don’t have time to meditate for an hour everyday, you should meditate for two hours.” But what is stress, really?
It's self induced pressure. The only person who can make me stressed is myself. I have the freedom to choose how I want to feel. I have the freedom to choose what I want to focus on in each moment. If I choose to focus on all the stuff I "have" to do or "should" be doing, I will likely stress myself out. In fact, I feel my stomach starting to turn just as I right that. However, if I focus on the task at hand, which is writing this blog right now, I feel great! Knowing that it's an outlet I need and knowing that it may help one person makes me feel good. When you are in the NOW, you will never be stressed. "Looking good" may be holding you back from "being great".
We often swing for the fences when we're not a homerun hitter. Sure, hitting a homerun looks good and feels great, but hitting the ball more often and getting on base will have more of an impact. Don't let your ego cloud your vision of who you really are. My son just lied to me.
It was not about anything "big" since he's 6 years old but it's something that needs to be addressed sooner than later so that it is not a habit that turns into lying about big things. As a parent, it would be easy to get upset and punish him for this but what would that do? I believe the more important thing is "why did he feel the need to hide something and then lie about it?" Like any problem, the only way to solve it for good is to get to the root cause. I want to make sure my son knows he can tell me ANYTHING and is not afraid to tell me EVERYTHING. Then I will have succeeded as a parent. As Thomas Edison once said... “I have not failed. I’ve just found ten thousand ways that do not work.” The past can be our greatest teacher if we allow it to be.
Do not dwell on the past as there is nothing good that will come of that. Feeling bad or guilty about the past does not serve anybody. Instead, ponder the past in order to be better today. The key word, though, is "today". Do not plan to be better tomorrow. Be better today. Tomorrow will never come. The past is a memory and the future is our imagination. Right now is the only thing that's real. "It seems to me that if you look back on yourself a year ago and aren’t shocked by how stupid you were, you haven’t learned much." I read that quote last night before I closed my eyes for a good night's rest.
I believe there is a lot of wisdom in that comment. The public school system (and most people) reward people who are "right" and punish those who make mistakes. The outcome of this is people who are afraid to fail. In fact, they are so afraid to fail that they never even try. Or worse... When they do fail or make a mistake, they try to cover it up. As a business owner, I need to know the truth from my team. I need to know what works, what does not work, what mistakes we have made and what we have learned from them. Every mistake is a learning opportunity and I have made thousands of mistakes in my business career. As a parent, I want my son to be courageous. I want him to stand up for what he believes in and go after his dreams. I want him to make mistakes because I know those are the greatest lessons. Most importantly, I want him to be comfortable sharing those mistakes with me. As an individual, it's tough to share my mistakes. I get it. I'm human too. But every time I have owned up to a mistake or a failure, it has always made it better. It has become more painful to hold it in than to let it out. We have all done stupid things in our lives and we will likely do many more. As long as you are learning from them and not repeating the past, I say keep being stupid :) Decisions are very difficult to make without priorities. There is a difference between "wants", "needs" and "must haves".
Looking to get into a relationship? Lay out the qualities you want in the other person. Looking for the right client? Lay out the type of client you are looking for. Looking to purchase a home? Lay out the most important aspects required for that home. Looking for a new job? Lay out what you want from that job. They key, make sure to prioritize what you are looking for. It's not about checking all the boxes. It's about checking the most important boxes. It's the only way you will ever feel good about your decision. Why do we say things that hurt people we love?
In fact, why do we say things that hurt people, period? What is it that comes out of us when we get into an argument? More importantly, what triggered that argument to begin with? We've all been there (I was there last night). Somebody says or does something that "sets us off" or "pushes us over the edge". We then proceed to defend ourselves or attack the other person. Things start coming out of our mouths that have nothing to do with the original comment (or trigger). The reason this happens varies but it always comes from the ego. It's the ego that needs to defend itself and the ego that needs to feel "right". It's the ego that needs to "win". How many times have you "won" an argument and still felt like shit? Is that really a win? If we come from our heart, we would never feel the need to win. We would never need to attack or defend. As humans, we have to accept that this is going to happen. The ego is a part of us. It's part of the human experience. However, I believe it's our job to figure out what our triggers are. Why do certain things trigger such a powerful emotional response? Our subconscious is telling us something and we need to figure out what it is. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for the ones you love. I opened up The Dalai Lama's Book of Wisdom the other day to this quote: "I believe that if someone really wants a happy life then it is very important to pursue both internal and external means; in other words, mental development and material development. One could also say 'spiritual development', but when I say 'spiritual' I do not necessarily mean any kind of religious faith. When I use the word 'spiritual' I mean basic human good qualities. These are: human affection, a sense of involvement, honesty, discipline and human intelligence properly guided by good motivation. We have all these qualities from birth; they do not come to us later in our lives." What are you pursuing?
That is something I believe to be true and have believed for as long as I can remember.
Is a 2 year old different from a 6 year old, yes. But what does that mean? Can they learn from each other? Can they grow together? Can they be friends? My wife has almost 5 years on me (although she looks younger than me). My youngest sibling is 6 years younger than me and my oldest sibling is 15 years older than me. I have friends who are much younger than me and friends who are much older than me. Age, in a lot of cases, does not even affect Maturity. There are many mature 10 year olds and many immature 60 year olds. We all have different paths and they often cross at different times. My brother, Chad, for example, has 10 years on me. Growing up, we would have a ton of fun together. My most prominent memories are when he would do WWF (now WWE) moves on me and when we would play tackle football and video games. He took it easy on me on the physical side of things but there was no sympathy on the video game side... Now, over 20 years later, our paths have linked together again. Not only have we partnered at The Conscious Builder, we also started families around the same time. At the beginning of the year, Chad and I had a great conversation. It was so great that Brian decided to work his magic and repost it in our new format. You can listen to some of Chad's stories and our Christmas miracle HERE. No matter how old you are, where you are or who you are, we can all learn from each other. We can all grow together. Yesterday was a day packed with meetings for me. Seven in total.
Were they important? Yes. But I rarely feel productive on days like this. I "accomplish" a lot in the sense that I'm meeting with a lot of people, however, I'm not checking those boxes on my list of "things I have to do." I know this about myself now so I do my best to set myself up for success. Although it was a long day of meetings which would be a typical 8 hour work day for most, I rarely work a typical day. So I took those extra 4 hours I had and I put them to use. I started tackling my priorities for the week and by the time my head hit the pillow, I felt good. It was a successful day. I get pleasure in checking things off my list. This works for me but it may not work for others. What do you need to feel good about your day? Set yourself up to win. |
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