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By Casey Grey
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I rarely take the time to partake in the testosterone-building activities that are required for me to feel complete.
So what do I do? I take action to change this! I'm creating a men's group and I'm making it public so that I stick to it. If you are a man, live in Ottawa, want to do cool shit and have fun all while being an outstanding husband, father and leader, let me know. Only great men will be accepted. Do you put more time into the answer or the question?
How do you know if you have the right answer if you don't have the right question? What if we taught our kids to ask better questions instead of giving them answers? What if we empowered our team members to ask more questions instead of having them follow orders? What if we trained our own minds to challenge our answers with more questions? Answering a question with a question can lead you magical places. As leaders, we want to protect our team members.
As parents, we want to protect our children. The problem with focusing on protecting is that we block them from growth. A Banyan tree is a perfect example of this. It protects everything below it and by doing so nothing grows. In order for growth to happen, we need to allow the sunshine in. We need to be open to the elements. Don't be a Banyan tree. Let the light in. Let those around you learn from their mistakes. Be there to support them but don't shade them. Let them grow! How do you play games? Do you want to win or are you willing to pass it to somebody else? Do you cheat? Do you play by the rules? Do you make your own rules? How do you wash the dishes? Do you make sure they are perfectly clean or do you just get it done as quickly as possible? Do you avoid doing the dishes all together? How do you show up in your relationship? Do you do whatever it takes to make it work or walk away at the first sign of confrontation? Do you expect to receive or are you out to give? How do you show up at work? Do you just do what you are "suppose to do" or do you overdeliver? Do you help others to move up the ladder or do you hold them back hoping you can surpass them? Whatever the situation is, become conscious of how you act or react. If you don't like what you see, it may be time to change because... How you do anything is how you do everything. It's so easy to see other people's blind spots and so hard to see our own.
Do you have people looking out for your blind spots? People you trust and respect and who you know have your best interests at heart? People who will tell you the truth even if they know it's going to hurt (but only for the short term)? People who will challenge you knowing that you will get stronger? People who will cry with you? People who will help even when it's inconvenient? Remember, it's not one person who can be all of this for all aspects of your life. And not all advice should be treated equally. You may take relationship advice from your friend who has been in a relationship for 20 years and who is still madly in love but you shouldn't take financial advice from the same person if that person is still living paycheque to paycheque. Build your team of advisors and, more importantly, get on a team of advisors. As parents, we want the best for our children.
We want to give them more opportunities than we had. We want to create those same great memories that we have. We want them to become the best version of themselves. Luckily for me, I am married to the brilliant Natasha and she has put a lot of time into understanding the development of the brain and what's important for a growing child. The public school system, for example, works for some but not for all. The classes are often too large, the teachers are often overworked without the support they need, the days are filled with overstimulation and the kids are forced to learn a certain way. Like I said, this works for some... It worked for me... Sort of... In fact, like I've said before, "I went through the public system and I turned out fine..." to which my business partner replied "who said you turned out fine?" Valid point... That being said, there's a reason I did not go to university. I'm not a sit-down-read-this-and-do this-paper learning type of person. I like to do. I like to learn through taking action. I like to "learn on the fly". In either case, today is much different than it was 30 years ago. The options for our children are endless. You know what's best for your child and if you are determined you will find the perfect fit for your child. The tough part as a parent, though, is that what's best for our child may not be convenient for us. Perhaps the public system works perfectly for your child. Perhaps you chose to home school. Perhaps you have them in nature school. Perhaps you travel the world with your child. Perhaps you found a private school or boarding school. For Natasha and I, we found Polaris School and Centre. Is it convenient for us? No. Is it best for Sullivan right now? Heck yes! It's a place filled with love, attention and thoughtfulness. The kids learn through play and stay connected to their bodies. Natural light, wood toys and many hours outside are a must. Their interests are naturally pulled out. Their imaginations are allowed to run wild. As I often say, our kids do what we do, not what we say. If we do what's best for them instead of what's convenient for us, what will that teach them? If fact, what does that teach our own minds? When I was growing up, sports were a huge part of my life.
Baseball and basketball were my "go-to" sports. I played basketball often with my friends but baseball came much more naturally to me. It wasn't until recently that I really realized the impact that sports had on my life. They taught me the importance of team. They taught me the impact hard work, dedication and commitment could have. They taught me how to focus. They taught me how to win and, perhaps more importantly, how to lose. They showed me the power in having just one person believe in you. In looking back on my childhood, I can't remember one game that my father missed. If he wasn't coaching the team I was on, he was in the bleachers cheering my team and I on and complaining about all the bad calls the umpires and refs were making. The crazy part... He made it to all my brother's and sister's games as well. Some of my greatest childhood memories were on the baseball field and basketball court. It was not until I spoke with David Gourlay that all these memories started flowing back to me and I realized how much of an impact sports had on me. It was not until that conversation that I also realized how fortunate I was. Not only to have a father like I do but to also have the ability to play sports the way I do. To sprint, throw, catch, hit, dribble, shoot, block, slide, jump, deak and everything else that's required to play these sports. I'm embarrassed to say that I took all of these things for granted. Luckily, there are people like David in this world who have not only realized this but have decided to do something about it. Thanks to David and The Miracle League of Ottawa, Kids who are far less fortunate than I was now have the ability to create some of those memories I have. They can cheer their team on from the dugout, hit the ball, round the bases and celebrate their wins. Something that was seemingly impossible is now possible thanks to some amazing human beings. It's no wonder they call it The Miracle League. I invite you to listen to David's story and hope that it inspires you to take action on your dreams. In films, transitions are an important part of the experience. They bring two separate parts together in a way that the creator wants to portray.
Outside of films, I have come to realize the importance of transitions in my own life. For example, I find it difficult to transition directly from work to having a conversation with my wife about anything that is non-work related or to transition from work to playing with my son. My brain seems to need time to switch from "work mode" to "husband mode" or "father mode". Similarly, when I go on vacation, it takes a few days before I start to relax. Or when I go to bed. I can't transition from working on the computer to sleeping instantly. If you are transitioning to a new position, there will also be time required before you get into the new rhythm. And if you are retiring... Well... That's a pretty big transition... Whatever it is you are transitioning to, give it the time it deserves. The transition will set the tone for the next scene in your life. Do you rely on others to make you happy? Do you rely on circumstances to make you happy? Is your happiness easily lost to unexpected and seemingly negative situations? The truth... If we're honest with ourselves... We are the only ones who can make ourselves happy. “The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it." If you want to take control of your happiness, I suggest you check out Mindfulness FX.
"I'm not Stressed... I just have lots to do today..." That's what I said to Jasmine before I went into her meditation session at Younion this morning when she asked if everything was alright because I looked a little stressed. I was very close to not doing the session because of what's on my plate today but that question was what I needed to hear. If she could see it in my face, then I needed to do something about it. It reminded me of this proverb and something that I say often: “If you don’t have time to meditate for an hour everyday, you should meditate for two hours.” But what is stress, really?
It's self induced pressure. The only person who can make me stressed is myself. I have the freedom to choose how I want to feel. I have the freedom to choose what I want to focus on in each moment. If I choose to focus on all the stuff I "have" to do or "should" be doing, I will likely stress myself out. In fact, I feel my stomach starting to turn just as I right that. However, if I focus on the task at hand, which is writing this blog right now, I feel great! Knowing that it's an outlet I need and knowing that it may help one person makes me feel good. When you are in the NOW, you will never be stressed. |
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