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By Casey Grey
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The world is full of labels.
Passive House, Energy Star, R-2000, LEED Certified, FSC Certified, CSA Approved and HVI Certified are ones that come up often for me in the construction world. Vegan, Gluten-Free, Vegetarian, Paleo, Raw and Flexitarian are all labels for different types of diets (and I know there's more). Mental disorders are a whole other game. There's a 3" thick book called the DSM-5 that explains all the shit that's "wrong" with us. I'm not a fan of labels but I understand and appreciate the importance they play in our society. As somebody who primarily eats a vegan and gluten-free diet, I appreciate seeing those labels. As somebody who builds healthy and sustainable homes, I see the value in having a third party certify a home and prove that it was built to a certain standard. When labeled with a mental disorder, it can be beneficial in the sense that the person may gain access to additional resources and realize that they are not alone. The issue is that most of us have no idea what the labels mean. If I were to show the general population the Passive House label, chances are they would not know what it meant. If I were to show people at a Green Building Show that same label, most people would likely recognise it but I guarantee you a lot of them would have no idea what was required to get that label. People who do not put a lot of attention into the food they put into their bodies won't necessarily know what vegan is or where gluten comes from or what foods contain what. Personally, I'm still not sure what a paleo diet is... Since I have no education in the mental disorder world, when I hear somebody is labeled with something specific I have to do research if I want to understand what that means (a.k.a. I ask my wife because she does have formal education here). The other important factor to understand is that labels often only account for one aspect. A Passive House does not mean it was built with healthy products (it puts the attention on performance). A LEED Certified house does not mean it is energy efficient (it puts a lot of attention on materials). A Vegan diet does not mean it's healthy (refined sugar and vegetable oil is vegan). A diagnosis of ADHD does not mean the person is not smart or can not focus (most entrepreneurs I know would fall under this category). Don't get caught up in the labels. Although they tell us important information, it's not the whole story. You remember Little Red Riding Hood, right? Do you remember the lesson at the end of the story?
[Sorry if I'm ruining this for anybody who has been living under a rock.] In the version I read to my son tonight, the book ends with this: "As long as I live," said Little Red Riding Hood to her mother, "I shall never again leave the forest path when you have warned me not to do so." Personally I think this is terrible advice. In fact, Little Red Riding Hood only met the Big Bad Wolf because she was on the path in the first place. When she ventured off the path after meeting the Big Bad Wolf, she realized that there was so much more. She noticed the birds, the light dancing through the trees and the pretty flowers on the ground. In life, if you stay on the path most travelled, the chances of running into a Big Bad Wolf are high. It may feel safer because you can see further ahead but so can the wolf. There is less beauty to take in and when you do find something beautiful, chances are there will be a crowd around it and it may even be gone by the time you get there. If you venture off the beaten path, yes, you may run into a Big Bad Wolf but there is also way more beauty to take in. It's your own path you are creating. When you find something, you will be able to take in all of it's beauty without the crowd. It's then up to you to decide whether or not you want to share it with the world. Create your own path in life and you may just end up with some followers. Too much of a good thing (even if you love it) will eventually turn to a bad thing.
A good thing will only stay a good thing if consumed in the proper doses and at the right time. Eating food feels good when you are hungry but if you eat all the time you will get sick. Spending time with the person you love can be the greatest thing in the world but if you spend every waking moment with that person eventually you will not want to be with each other anymore. Exercising is a necessity to stay healthy but over exercising will cause issues in all sorts of ways. Whatever it is that you love, give it the space it needs. It's the only way to keep the love strong. When I work, I like to work fast. I like to get shit done. And if I make a mistake or do something that slows me down, I get frustrated.
Today was a good reminder to slow down and enjoy the process. It's never (and I really mean never) about the destination (or the final product). I spent the majority of today in the kitchen cooking and baking with Sullivan. We had the slow cooker going, the pressure cooking doing it's thing and delicious cookies in the oven. I even seasoned the cast iron pan! For the most part it was fun. But then I got to the baking part... Where I have less experience. The goal: to make vegan and gluten free gingerbread men. So I started searching through recipes and found one. So I thought... I started putting all the ingredients together and then realized the recipe was for soft gingerbread cookies... Not good for rolling out and cutting into christmas trees, stars and little men. My initial reaction was frustration as "that was a waste of time" was the first thought that came to mind. "Now I have to start over again!" I quickly snapped out of it, finished the recipe and got the cookies in the oven (which ended up being delicious by the way.) Back to google and the search for a recipe which included only incredients that we already had. Once I found the one, I started putting it together and things were going well. Sullivan and I got the dough looking good and we rolled it out. We started cutting the shapes transferring them to the baking sheet. Or at least I tried to transition them to the baking sheet... 2 out of the first 5 made it... My frustration started to come out again... "Daddy, don't get frustrated." Which only made me more frustrated. "Let me try. I'll be able to do it. I won't get frustrated and I don't like when you get frustrated." That last part is what changed my state. Here I am getting frustrated about breaking the leg off a silly gingerbread man and I'm missing the beautiful moment right in front of me. Before I know it, Sullivan will have no interest to be in the kitchen with me and I'm trying to rush through it. I'm just trying to check another thing off my list. Silly daddy... Slow down and enjoy the moment that's in front of you. It will be gone before you know it. P.S. Sullivan was able to do much better than me and we rocked those gingerbread men! Even mommy was quite impressed ;) Wait... What?
How can discipline be holding me back? Sometimes we talk about disciplining children. We think we're training them to obey certain rules through this act of punishment. We also discipline ourselves. We beat ourselves up for not going to the gym or not meeting a deadline or any other thing that we think we "should" have done. I've been able to write this blog everyday since I started because I am committed, not because I am worried about being disciplined. I have my reasons for doing it and I'm being pulled towards it. I'm connected to my source. If you're working with somebody else (like your child), help that person find their reasons and connect with their source. A tree cannot grow without being connected to its source, the earth. An iron won't work unless it's connected to its source, electricity. So why do we expect to grow or work properly if you're not connected to our source? Watching somebody you care about go through pain is not easy. Whether it's a team member, friend or family member, if you care about them, you likely want to help take the pain away.
But sometimes in order to change the pain is necessary. Pain is not a bad thing if it leads to better results. As a business owner, I see this often. Mistakes are made, clients get upset and then I get pulled in to help... And I usually help because not helping is painful for me. It's time to take my own advice on this one and realize that this pain is helping me. This time I'm not stepping in. I will support and encourage but I won't fix the mistake. What is one action you can take today that will have the most impact on your future?
Do that. Think long term. Where did Halloween come from? History.com states the following"
"The tradition originated with the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain, when people would light bonfires and wear costumes to ward off ghosts. In the eighth century, Pope Gregory III designated November 1 as a time to honor all saints. Soon, All Saints Day incorporated some of the traditions of Samhain. The evening before was known as All Hallows Eve, and later Halloween. Over time, Halloween evolved into a day of activities like trick-or-treating, carving jack-o-lanterns, festive gatherings, donning costumes and eating treats." Personally, I've never been a fan of what Halloween is today. We all dress up as something we are not (or perhaps something we want to be) and fill our bodies full of stuff that turns us into the walking dead. And the garbage this one day creates in our world... But it's not all bad in my mind. Dressing up as a superhero or a princess when you are a kid... Alright, I can see how that can be fun. Carving pumpkins with the family... I do have fun doing that. But going door to door to get a bunch of poison to put into our bodies... Not sure that's helping anybody... This is one of those days that is "for the kids". With that in mind, make sure it BENEFITS the kids. Happy Halloween! I love to help people and I believe that most people are like this. When somebody asks me for help, I'm happy to do so because it feels good.
"Somebody needs me." What I have come to realize is that HOW I deliver that "help" is extremely important. If my son asks me to write something for him, is it more helpful to write it myself or show him how to write it? If my team is struggling, is it more helpful if I hop in and do the work or ask them questions to get them thinking differently so they can do it themselves? Is it better to let people make mistakes or protect them from the pain? Which one will help them learn faster? Think long term. Invest in the other person's success for the long run. The other night, Sullivan was excited to see his Nana. She was planning to come at the end of the following day.
While I was doing the usual bedtime routine with Sullivan, he said "Nana might be here when I wake up." I responded in the usual parent way and "corrected" his thinking by saying, "No buddy. She'll be here when you get home from school." He then quickly said, "Don't say that daddy! If you say that then it won't happen. She might be thinking it right now." Then it dawned on me... How often do I limit my son's beliefs like this? This is a simple and seemingly insignificant example but it's a habit I have. He was right. Nana may have been thinking to come early and surprise us. Who was I to tell him that she would not be coming? Just because I didn't believe it does not mean it was not going to happen. Nor does that give me the right to change his belief. |
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