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By Casey Grey
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Have you ever been around people who complain about their situation or circumstances?
In those instances, what do you do? Do you agree with them? Console them? Help them? My default is to "look at the brighter side" and offer suggestions although often this does not help. Here's the thing about helping people... You can only help people who want to be helped. I get it. It's easier to complain about your situation than it is to do something about it. But easier rarely means better. Personally, I have no patience for people who aren't willing to put in the work. And if you're looking for somebody to help you get "unstuck", I know I'm not alone when it comes to this. Teachers, mentors, coaches and leaders all over the world love to have outstanding students. It's what fuels them! And they will usually over-deliver to those who are willing to take action. So are you an outstanding student of life or are you just getting by, blaming and never taking responsibility? If you are ready to take your life to the next level, I suggest you check out M1 or find something similar. Find people who are having fun, serving and making this world a better place. Find people who are not willing to settle! If you are committed, you may just find yourself in a room like this: It's so easy to see other people's blind spots and so hard to see our own.
Do you have people looking out for your blind spots? People you trust and respect and who you know have your best interests at heart? People who will tell you the truth even if they know it's going to hurt (but only for the short term)? People who will challenge you knowing that you will get stronger? People who will cry with you? People who will help even when it's inconvenient? Remember, it's not one person who can be all of this for all aspects of your life. And not all advice should be treated equally. You may take relationship advice from your friend who has been in a relationship for 20 years and who is still madly in love but you shouldn't take financial advice from the same person if that person is still living paycheque to paycheque. Build your team of advisors and, more importantly, get on a team of advisors. I just stood up in a room full of about 60 people and cried...
I couldn't hold it in. When my mouth opened up, the water works began. I don't know how long I stood there speechless, trying to regain my composure, but it seemed like a lifetime. I stood up to share how the last 3 days at the Montreal M1 Event had impacted my life. Prior to me standing up, we had recently done an extremely powerful exercise. Each person, including myself, took turns walking down a hallway with our palms up, chin parallel with the ground and eyes closed. As we walked forward slowly, we repeated the words "I am" out loud. While we did this, the other tribe members whispered words in our ears such as "You're Powerful", " You're a Leader", "You're confident", "You're a Great Husband" and so forth. As the person whispering, it was their job to whisper what they felt that person needed to hear. What I realized, and I what I finally got out in front of the group between my tears, is that we all need support. We all need help. Independance can only get you so far. When you have a group of people behind you, supporting you, helping you, picking you up, cheering you on, encouraging you and pushing you beyond your limits, the possibilities are endless. I have found those people I have been looking for. When I was growing up, sports were a huge part of my life.
Baseball and basketball were my "go-to" sports. I played basketball often with my friends but baseball came much more naturally to me. It wasn't until recently that I really realized the impact that sports had on my life. They taught me the importance of team. They taught me the impact hard work, dedication and commitment could have. They taught me how to focus. They taught me how to win and, perhaps more importantly, how to lose. They showed me the power in having just one person believe in you. In looking back on my childhood, I can't remember one game that my father missed. If he wasn't coaching the team I was on, he was in the bleachers cheering my team and I on and complaining about all the bad calls the umpires and refs were making. The crazy part... He made it to all my brother's and sister's games as well. Some of my greatest childhood memories were on the baseball field and basketball court. It was not until I spoke with David Gourlay that all these memories started flowing back to me and I realized how much of an impact sports had on me. It was not until that conversation that I also realized how fortunate I was. Not only to have a father like I do but to also have the ability to play sports the way I do. To sprint, throw, catch, hit, dribble, shoot, block, slide, jump, deak and everything else that's required to play these sports. I'm embarrassed to say that I took all of these things for granted. Luckily, there are people like David in this world who have not only realized this but have decided to do something about it. Thanks to David and The Miracle League of Ottawa, Kids who are far less fortunate than I was now have the ability to create some of those memories I have. They can cheer their team on from the dugout, hit the ball, round the bases and celebrate their wins. Something that was seemingly impossible is now possible thanks to some amazing human beings. It's no wonder they call it The Miracle League. I invite you to listen to David's story and hope that it inspires you to take action on your dreams. As Thomas Edison once said... “I have not failed. I’ve just found ten thousand ways that do not work.” The past can be our greatest teacher if we allow it to be.
Do not dwell on the past as there is nothing good that will come of that. Feeling bad or guilty about the past does not serve anybody. Instead, ponder the past in order to be better today. The key word, though, is "today". Do not plan to be better tomorrow. Be better today. Tomorrow will never come. The past is a memory and the future is our imagination. Right now is the only thing that's real. "It seems to me that if you look back on yourself a year ago and aren’t shocked by how stupid you were, you haven’t learned much." I read that quote last night before I closed my eyes for a good night's rest.
I believe there is a lot of wisdom in that comment. The public school system (and most people) reward people who are "right" and punish those who make mistakes. The outcome of this is people who are afraid to fail. In fact, they are so afraid to fail that they never even try. Or worse... When they do fail or make a mistake, they try to cover it up. As a business owner, I need to know the truth from my team. I need to know what works, what does not work, what mistakes we have made and what we have learned from them. Every mistake is a learning opportunity and I have made thousands of mistakes in my business career. As a parent, I want my son to be courageous. I want him to stand up for what he believes in and go after his dreams. I want him to make mistakes because I know those are the greatest lessons. Most importantly, I want him to be comfortable sharing those mistakes with me. As an individual, it's tough to share my mistakes. I get it. I'm human too. But every time I have owned up to a mistake or a failure, it has always made it better. It has become more painful to hold it in than to let it out. We have all done stupid things in our lives and we will likely do many more. As long as you are learning from them and not repeating the past, I say keep being stupid :) I opened up The Dalai Lama's Book of Wisdom the other day to this quote: "I believe that if someone really wants a happy life then it is very important to pursue both internal and external means; in other words, mental development and material development. One could also say 'spiritual development', but when I say 'spiritual' I do not necessarily mean any kind of religious faith. When I use the word 'spiritual' I mean basic human good qualities. These are: human affection, a sense of involvement, honesty, discipline and human intelligence properly guided by good motivation. We have all these qualities from birth; they do not come to us later in our lives." What are you pursuing?
Is "hard" just a point of view?
Perhaps... Exercising is hard... That's why most people don't do it. Business is hard.... The majority of businesses go out of business in the first year. Marriage is hard... A good portion of people decide to get divorced. Even meditation is hard! If it were easy, more people would be doing it. In theory it's "easy" to sit and do nothing but sit and do nothing for a few hours and let me know how easy it was. From my experience, all of these things make me better every single day and I have learned that nobody ever grows from doing easy things. (More inspiration from Urooj.)
If you look at a lake, everything about it is the result of what's in it and what's around it. If you want to change what the lake looks like, you have to change what goes into it and what surrounds it. Just like a lake, everything you physically see about me is the result of what's inside of me and around me. If I want to change anything about myself, I have to change what goes into my mind, what goes into my body and what and who I surround myself with. Don't expect to change the outside if you are not willing to change the inside. I always have fascinating conversations with my friend, Urooj, and yesterday was no exception.
We were talking about what “perfect” means. Without looking at a dictionary, what is perfect to you? In the past, I have claimed to be a perfectionist. Now, I still demand high quality from myself but I have removed the word perfect. Perfection is subjective. A yard that has been taken over by nature may be perfect to one person. Another person may want a “perfectly manicured” property. I believe that everything is exactly as it’s supposed to be. Each moment is perfect. Especially this one. |
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