How To Keep Your Wife Unhappy

This one is for the men (which means me too). I had so much fun writing How To Feel Terrible All The Time that I figured I would do another variation.

As cliche as it is, "Happy wife, Happy Life" is very true for men. Although we can not make our wife happy, we can do our part to support her happiness.

So, men, if you want to keep your wife unhappy (as well as yourself), be sure to follow these simple steps.

• Do not support her in any way.
• Have her take out the garbage.
• Have her drive you everywhere.
• Do not provide the space for her to take care of herself.
• Rely on her to make all the money in the household.
• Never listen to her (a.k.a. do not be present with her).
• Solve all her problems (instead of listening).
• Make sure you do most of the talking.
• Complain.
• Believe her when she says "everything is fine".
• Work at a job that is completely unfulfilling to you.
• Live in an unsafe location.
• Never let her know where you are.
• Do not send random "I love you" messages.
• Do not compliment her (especially how she looks).
• Do not open the door for her.
• Have her make all the important decisions.
• Avoid date nights.
• Make sure she only buys used clothing.
• Only watch action movies and sports with her.
• Avoid helping around the house.
• Never take responsibility for anything.
• Do not show any confidence in yourself.
• Try to be somebody you're not.
• Do not make her laugh.
• Ignore her when other people are around.
• Work late all the time.
• Call her your "old lady".

And lastly, no matter what, DO NOT buy her flowers. She can get her own...