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By Casey Grey
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I just finished a great meeting with my partners (soon to be official partners).
We're in the process of finalizing the agreement. The goal, in my mind, is to have the "difficult" conversations now so that we don't have to have them later. What happens if a partner wants out? What happens if a partner gets sick or dies? How do we make sure our families are protected? How do we make sure our other businesses are protected? How do we know we're all going to deliver on our promises? How do we value the work that has been done up until this date? The list goes on... More importantly, I want to know my partners on a personal level. Who are they? What do they stand for? Where did they come from? What have they learned? I want to know the good, the great, the bad AND the ugly. Nobody is perfect and nobody has a perfect track record. I sure don't. If you do, perhaps you have not taken enough risks (or you're not telling the truth). That experience is where the true value is. We learn most when we fall hardest. Show me your battle wounds! This is just business. It's not personal. But business can affect personal if the right conversations are not had at the beginning. Before emotions get involved. If you're a coffee drinker, there's nothing worse than a bad cup of coffee.
Actually there is one thing worse... A bad cup of coffee when you're expecting a good one (or great one). It comes down to expectations. What expectations did you have for that cup of coffee? Beyond coffee, what are your expectations for your self? Your day? Your family? Your friends? Your business? Your life? Perhaps more importantly, what do others expect of you? If you have a business, what do your clients expect? Are you delivering on those expectations? Expectations are important. They need to be managed. Disappointment only ever comes from unfulfilled expectations. "You can't do that. You've never done that before. You don't have any experience."
That is something that was said to me the other day about a construction project. It is true that I do not have experience in the type of project we were discussing but who's to say I can't do it. Yes, I do not have that specific experience but I do have 15 years of experience in the same field. I have contacts, mentors, partners and many people who would be willing to work with me. Does that not count for anything? I believe we underestimate our capabilities. We downplay the experience we do have and hold ourselves back from excelling at life. We get stuck in our head and think too much about what others would think and that we might fail. We feel like frauds. What if everything went great? What if this is exactly what you need to take your business and life to the next level? And if the worst happens? You end up with more experience which will help you in the future! Everybody wants "experienced" people but experience only ever comes from taking that first step. Somebody has to be willing to give the opportunity to an inexperienced person and that inexperienced person needs to step up to bat. There is always a starting point. As adults we become afraid to try because we don't have the experience. As kids, we don't care. We just want to do it so we start doing it. There is value in all our "life experiences" but only if they are shared with others and used to help improve ourselves, our business, our families, our relationships and so on. If your experience is holding you back from experiencing more of the great things life has to offer, you may want to re-evaluate your mindset. Remember, you started without experience and somebody gave you a shot. It's a two way street that never ends unless you decide you don't want to drive it anymore. That's how I feel right now.
Are these legitimate feelings or just a state of mind? These are the days that make me question why I'm doing what I'm doing. What's it all for. Isn't it suppose to be easy? Is easy just a state of mind as well? I know there's people out there who get more done in a day then I do. But how do we measure that? Is that even a fair statement to myself? So many questions... There is one thing I know for sure. Sleeps is important. When I'm well rested I am more productive, I make less mistakes and I make better decisions. Perhaps I'm tired because I overcommitted. But I do need to push myself beyond my limits if I want to grow into something beautiful. Diamonds are only formed under extreme pressure. Does this apply here? Alright enough with the questions. Good night. I'm currently re-reading a book I read quite a few years ago. It's called "Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap... And Others Don't" by Jim Collins. It's amazing how much we forget (I'm saying "we" because I'm assuming it's not just me). There is so much of this book I don't remember and I'm sure I thought to myself "Oh this is good! I'll remember this!" when I was reading it the first time. That may be a good topic for another day... In reading last night before I went to bed, I read a very intriguing quote: "You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end—which you can never afford to lose—with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.” This was exactly what I needed to read. This is something I struggle with, especially around money. I have faith it will all work out however I have trouble accepting where I currently am. I feel like I "should" be further ahead.
Life is a constant back-and-forth between being an optimist and a realist. We need to have faith it will all work out but we also need to accept where we currently stand. We need to set the intention and let go of the outcome. What does that mean? I have a great example. Natasha and I want to find our dream home. I have faith we will find it. When? I have no idea. If I set a goal to find it by the end of the month, there's a good chance I will be disappointed. There's a lot that would need to happen between now and then for this to become reality. If it does happen, amazing! I will gladly accept it. For now, I accept where we are today and know that we may be in a similar situation in a month from now. I do, however, have faith that this will not always be our reality. I will take all the necessary steps in my control in order to make this happen but know it will come to be when the time is right. It's a game of patience. Something that is lacking in our world today (including in myself). I believe the secret to life is 3 things:
The first two is exactly what we're talking about here. There's a house for sale in the village of Manotick that was the first bakery in town. The house caught the attention of my wife and I because of its history. We love old houses.
On a bike ride with the family yesterday afternoon, we happened to bike past this house and the owners were sitting out front. Natasha did what she does best and started asking questions and connecting with them. Before we knew it we were on a private tour of the home and getting a history lesson at the same time. The house was built in the 1800's and has since had additions and interior work done but most of the original character is still there. It turns out that the house was also the first doctors office and Doctor Leach would perform surgeries and see patients here. Starting a random conversation like this is not something I would have done but is something I would like to do more of. My wife is teaching me. People love to share and talk to anybody who is willing to listen. Ask the right questions and listen carefully. You never know what will come next. This is a good continuation from yesterday's blog post.
Another friend of mine, Love Pyles, said something that stuck with me the other night. "It's not what we achieve. It's what we survive." The way I interpret this is that it's not about the stuff we have accumulated. It's about the person we have become. "Do you remember that time when everything went perfectly and exactly as expected?" Said nobody... Ever... Even as a think back to meetings I have had with our team and the projects we have done, we never talk about the simple projects. We talk about the tough projects. The projects that had us thinking. The projects which challenged us. The projects which made us stronger as a team and better as a company. We survived and continue to survive. What's even better though is that we prosper. Don't let those experiences go to waste. "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
This quote is very deceiving. Let's take the simple example of food. Millions of people (including myself some days) put garbage into our systems. Refined sugars, gluten, dairy, pesticides, herbicides, fluoride, preservatives and the list goes on. Things that we know (and research shows) are not good for us. They are literally killing us. But they don't kill us right away. It's a slow death. Does this mean they make us stronger? What about somebody who gets into an accident and gets seriously injured. Perhaps even becomes paralyzed. Does this make them stronger? It definitely does not make them physically stronger. What about business? I started my first business 9 years ago. I've made a lot (and I mean a lot) of mistakes. I've lost thousands of dollars. I have people who do not like me. I have scars to show the experiences. Have they made me stronger? All of the examples above have the ability to make us stronger. Or perhaps the better word is wiser. The key... we need to learn from the experiences. If we eat food and feel like shit, we probably should not eat it. If we continue to eat it it's not making us stronger, it's making us weaker. If we learn from the experience and stop eating the food, we become stronger. If we get into an accident we may become physically weaker but we have the ability to become mentally stronger. We could, for example, help others who have been in a similar accident. If we let our business destroy our lives and become scared to follow our dreams, we're not getting stronger, we've become weaker. Instead we could use those experiences to improve our business. Perhaps the quote should be "whatever doesn't kill you makes you wiser (if you're paying attention)." Not as catchy, I know. Our experiences will only make us stronger if we learn from them AND take action. My friend Tom Maggio said this on a call last night and it really stuck with me.
Although I believe that people are good, I would be lying to myself if I believed that people were never deceitful or untruthful. The question, as usual, is "why"? Why do people feel they need to hide the truth? Who are they protecting? Themselves or somebody else? So here's some truth... I lie all the time... I told my son that Santa Clause, The Easter Bunny and The Tooth Fairy are all real. I actually had a really hard time with this at the beginning (actually I still feel shitty about it). "It's part of the magic of the holidays" I tell myself. I also do it for other kids because I do not want my son to ruin it for them. Although perhaps that last one is also for my son so that he's not the one who ruined it for them. Is it more for the kids or for us parents? Are we trying to relive our childhood through them? I don't know the answer but I do know this: The truth feels good. I'm actually looking forward to the day when I tell my son the truth about these things. If he's like me when I found out, he'll just accept it and move on. Although there's a good chance he'll be heart broken. How will he feel knowing that his mommy and daddy have been lying to him? It's all for a good cause, right? We often trick ourselves into lying because we believe it's the "right thing" to do. In my experience, it just sucks energy out of us. It takes way more energy to make up and maintain a lie than it does to tell the truth. Truth is our natural state. Tom, perhaps truth has always been brilliance. Thank you for this thought provoking statement ;) I feel like I've been eating more than I need to eat recently. Luckily I eat healthy so it's not having a physical effect on me (yet) but it is taking up space in my head and hurting my productivity.
When do I find I eat the most? When I'm bored and when I'm in front of the computer. This is typically when I'm working on something that I'm not interested in which is on the computer. When do I find I eat the least? When I'm out on the road, when I'm working with my hands and when I'm working on things that I'm very interested in (even if it's on a computer). What does this mean? I eat when I'm not engaged, when I have easy access to food and the ability to just stop working whenever I want. How do I stop this? The easy answer is to avoid any of those circumstances whenever possible. The thing is that it's not always possible and it's only a bandaid. It's like taking a pill to feel better instead of addressing the problem why I'm not feeling good in the first place. I need to replace this habit with something new and empowering. Something that serves me. Another step is to understand why food? What is it about food that I'm pulled to in these times of boredom? There's definitely a sense of certainty when I eat. I am certain that I'm going to feel good. There was lots of family gatherings around food growing up so I'm guessing some of this comes from these past experiences. There's lots of good memories and love around food. I don't want to forget these but it is good to understand in order to break this habit. I need to find a way to replace this feeling of certainty in these times of boredom. Time to break this habit! Take this energy and channel it towards something more powerful! Stay tuned... |
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